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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28460526">Wishful Regrets</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFanficDreamingAuthor/pseuds/TheFanficDreamingAuthor'>TheFanficDreamingAuthor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Birthday, Commander Erwin Smith, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Family, Fluff and Angst, Gift Fic, Heavy Angst, Hurt Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Levi/Erwin Smith-centric, M/M, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Spoilers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:48:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,187</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28460526</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFanficDreamingAuthor/pseuds/TheFanficDreamingAuthor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Give up on your dreams and charge to your death."</p><p>"Levi...Thank you."</p><p> </p><p>Every December 25th, Levi would have his birthday celebrated. He never really knew when his birthday was but Erwin and Hange chose the day he joined the scouts.<br/>Every year, they would come in and wish him a great birthday.<br/>Every year, they would come in<br/>Every year, she would come in...<br/>Alone...<br/>From now on...</p><p> </p><p>WARNING! SPOILERS FROM SEASON 3 PART2! IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THAT SEASON, DON'T READ THIS FANFIC!!!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi/Erwin Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>101</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wishful Regrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/jin_bestgirl/gifts">jin_bestgirl</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I mean heck, if you could film your reaction to this on Tik Tok, that would be great! But I hope you enjoy this!</p><p>And just a quick WARNING! THERE ARE MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON 3 PART 2!<br/>IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THAT SEASON YET! DON'T READ THIS FANFICTION!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You're joking!"</p><p>"For the last time, four-eyes, I don't have a birthday!"</p><p>"...ERWIN~!"</p><p>"NO! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"</p><p> </p><p>Erwin turns to see, across the field, Levi's hand clasped over Hange's mouth as the latter tries to get out of his grip, arms flailing. Erwin lifts a brow and makes his way to the duo in order to understand what the commotion is about. </p><p>Levi sighs and lets go of Hange when he sees Erwin coming towards them, knowing he couldn't do anything to stop the crazy scientist. Erwin's commands are one thing he just can't get around, he has to obey them.</p><p>"If you don't mind me asking-"</p><p>"We do mind you asking." Levi cuts him off, but Erwin ignores it.</p><p>"-what is all the commotion about?"</p><p>Levi doesn't even try to stop Hange from saying anything, because...it's Erwin, and if he sees Levi strangling Hange, it's obviously a situation he can't get out of.</p><p>Hange smirks at Levi who glares at them.</p><p>"Levi doesn't have a birthday."</p><p> </p><p>And that's how Levi's birthday came to be.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>December 25th,</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Levi stands by his window, staring at the birds flying across the sunny sky. He wasn't thinking about anything, in particular, he didn't want to.</p><p> </p><p>"LEVI~!" Hange's excited whispers through the now open door. Levi turns and sees them with Mike and Erwin behind. All were carrying smiles on their faces. Hange enters the room carrying a cake with a singular candle on top and Levi quickly speaks up:</p><p> </p><p>"No."</p><p>"You do realize that there is no way of getting past Hange?" Mike says, smiling knowingly. </p><p>Levi sighs as Erwin tries to get him in the birthday spirit.</p><p>"Come on, Levi. It's your birthday. Celebrate it."</p><p>"Celebrate what? A day closer to death?"</p><p>"You're no fun, shorty~!"</p><p>"No one said I was, four-eyes."</p><p> </p><p>Hange, pouting, places the cake on the window sill and starts singing with Mike, despite Levi's non-existent enthusiasm: "Happy birthday to you~"</p><p>"Walls..." Levi mutters.</p><p>"Happy birthday to you~"</p><p>Erwin smiles when he sees a small twitch from Levi's lips quirking upwards and starts singing with Hange and Mike: "Happy birthday, dear Levi~! Happy birthday to you~"</p><p>Levi shakes his head and sighs, he tries to hold himself back from smiling ever so slightly, but Erwin could see that it wasn't working.</p><p>Hange gestures to the cake and says: "Come on! Make a wish!"</p><p>"No. No way."</p><p>"Levi~" Hange pouts.</p><p>"Levi," Erwin speaks up again, and Levi knows he can't say 'no' anymore to the oh, so great commander: "It's your birthday. A simple wish doesn't hurt anyone. I also don't believe that ordering someone to wish on their birthday is appropriate." He smirks.</p><p>Levi stares at Erwin with a 'why' look before staring at the cake. Few seconds, he leans in and blows the candle.</p><p>Hange cheers and Mike laughs. Erwin claps and says: "Now, was that so hard?"</p><p>"Shut up, eye-brows."</p><p>Erwin knows not to take it harshly, especially from the small smile that's plastered on Levi's face.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>December 25th,</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Captain.</p><p>After weeks of planning on killing an important asset to the scouts, Levi ends up rising to the title 'Captain' instead.</p><p>A joke. A harsh joke.</p><p> </p><p>Levi glares up at the bright stars and the strong light of the moon from where he sat on the roof. It was as if they were mocking him, reminding him of the last moment he had with Isabelle and Farlan before the expedition. It was even worse when he realized that today was his 'birthday' again and all he could think of was how he never had one before, he never celebrated with Farlan and Isabelle since he never knew what it was, and just when he did get one, they weren't there to know.</p><p>His birthday was another harsh joke. As if it was telling him that his existence ended up taking them away. Guilt swirled in his chest. There was no such thing as a life with no regrets. </p><p> </p><p>"Levi?"</p><p>Said man turns and sees Erwin behind him, his hand behind his back.</p><p>"Erwin." Levi greets before turning back to the moon and stars.</p><p>Erwin stares at Levi as he takes a seat beside him. The man looked tenser, stressed, maybe even close to tears. From the time he knew Levi, he knows that he never wanted to show many emotions. Unlike Hange, he's stoic and cold. Excluding the fact that this was who was sent to kill him, Erwin can't help but admire Levi for his strengths and ways of dealing with troubles, and while he doesn't show it; Levi's point of view on the people close to him is very much a pure sight. </p><p>"You going to just stare at me the whole time?" Levi asks, breaking Erwin from his thoughts. </p><p>"I actually came here for a whole other reason."</p><p> </p><p>Remembering the date. Remembering the hand Erwin held behind his back. Levi's eyes widen as he quickly whips his gaze to Erwin and glares.</p><p>"Don't! Don't you dare!"</p><p>Erwin, however, does dare and he puts the hand from behind his back in front of Levi revealing a slice of cake with a small candle on top.</p><p>"Erwin, I'm not joking! Put that away!"</p><p>Erwin needs Levi to break, though. The man holds in too much and needs to break loose for just a moment. It could cause pain; mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically. He needs to break before he loses himself to guilt and regret. He just became Captain as well, Erwin doubts that makes anything easier to deal with.</p><p> </p><p>Erwin starts singing, not caring of Levi's glare: "Happy birthday to you~"</p><p>"Erwin-!"</p><p>"Happy birthday to you~"</p><p>"Stop it! Eye-brows, this isn't funny!"</p><p>"Happy birthday, dear Levi~"</p><p>"Please stop!" Levi's voice cracks slightly.</p><p>"Happy birthday to you~"</p><p>"Damn you..." Levi turns away, not bringing himself to look at Erwin at all.</p><p>Erwin stares at Levi as he places the cake down between them both. Levi says nothing, but Erwin can see his hands clutching the sides of the roof tightly, he heard the crack in his voice, he can see Levi's shoulders shaking, but he says nothing, doesn't judge, just understands.</p><p>"Make a wish, Levi."</p><p>"Fuck off." His voice is shaky.</p><p>"...I command you to make a wish."</p><p>Levi slowly turns to Erwin, finally. His eyes are cold, hard, but sad. He stares at Erwin, studying his face; from his blond hair, to his blue eyes under those huge eyebrows, to his lips, to the cake between them. He says nothing.</p><p>"...Levi-"</p><p>"I really hate you." Levi immediately stands up and turns to walk away. Erwin doesn't look at him, just looks up at the moon before him. Before Levi could leave, however, Erwin speaks up:</p><p>"I know it's hard." He hears Levi stop: "Being Captain...being in charge. It isn't easy, at all. But we hold great importance, you and I, we hold humanity in our hands. People depend on us to make decisions, thinking their own is right when we could think the other is the right one. There is no choice with no regrets. People will die either way. Being a scout doesn't mean suicide, it means you're willing to give your all for freedom whether it be in this life or the other. I understand how you must feel Levi, not exactly, but I know. You're not weak for crying either..."</p><p>Levi says nothing, doesn't even turn to Erwin.</p><p>"...I know you hold too much inside, but it's not good for you. Being a scout is to give your heart, broken or not. Give your heart Levi, you must give up on your dreams and charge to your death outside these walls...A reason we celebrate your birthday is to allow you an out, a way of hope to make one last wish before you can't make anymore. But I don't expect you to change your mind."</p><p>Silence. Neither says a word. Levi thinks over the words Erwin said to him as Erwin waits patiently to see Levi's course of action.</p><p>"...I wish..."</p><p>Erwin perks up, but doesn't face Levi, nor does Levi face him.</p><p>"...I wish I never met you...you and your big words...your commands...really, you're the devil."</p><p>"I am aware." Erwin can tell that there was some other meaning to those words, so he doesn't take them harshly. He doesn't force Levi to say more and doesn't command him to come back when he leaves. </p><p> </p><p>Levi, deep in his thoughts, wishes for one thing. He regrets letting himself get there.</p><p>
  <em>'I wish I never fell for you...'</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>December 25th,</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Mike was dead.</p><p>He never returned, it was safe to say he wasn't going to.</p><p> </p><p>Levi hates today. He hates having to remember the day that one of them used to celebrate before being taken away as well. Really, his birthday was a curse.</p><p> </p><p>"Happy birthday to you~"</p><p>"Hange..."</p><p>"Happy birthday to you~"</p><p>"..."</p><p>"Happy birthday, dear Levi~..."</p><p>"..."</p><p>"Happy birthday to you~"</p><p> </p><p>Levi lets out a sigh when Hange finished singing. Levi was seated on his desk, Hange and Erwin standing either side of him. A cake with a single candle on the table...no Mike.</p><p>"Levi, he would have wanted you to celebrate." Erwin says.</p><p>Levi doesn't say a word, just nods slowly, causing Hange and Erwin to give small smiles. Levi leans in and blows the candle, it goes off after the second blow when his first came out weak.</p><p>Hange gives him a hug and Erwin pats his shoulder. It was the first time Levi blew the candle with no resistance.</p><p>He did it for Mike.</p><p> </p><p>After eating some cake silently, Hange heads out needing to finish some work leaving Erwin and Levi alone. Erwin stands silenty before asking:</p><p>"How are you feeling?"</p><p>Levi shrugs: "Like shit."</p><p>"Hm..."</p><p>Silence.</p><p>"You wanna ask me something, don't you?"</p><p>"...Yeah..."</p><p>"Ask...at this point, nothing can make this situation any shittier."</p><p>"...What did you wish for?"</p><p>"Why is that your biggest importance every birthday?!" Levi turns to look at Erwin with a weak glare.</p><p>"Levi." Erwin says no more. His tone a warning.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>"A reason we celebrate your birthday is to allow you an out, a way of hope to make one last wish before you can't make anymore."</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>"...I didn't wish..." Levi answers.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"There's no point. What happens when I wish, Erwin? Suddenly everyone stays alive? Suddenly the titans disappear? There's no point! Just a few meaningless words!"</p><p>"You wished for something." Erwin says catching Levi off guard: "You don't have to tell me what it is, just tell me whether you really did or not."</p><p>"...I did. There, I said it! You happy now?!"</p><p>"I am."</p><p> </p><p>"...Why do you care so much about this?"</p><p>"A scout's heart wishes for so much, it doesn't hurt to let them out even through knowing it won't come true."</p><p>"...Erwin?"</p><p>"Hm?"</p><p> </p><p>Levi stares at Erwin who stares back. Eye-to-eye in silence.</p><p>"I wish you wouldn't leave..."</p><p>"..."</p><p>"It doesn't hurt to let them out even through knowing it won't come true..."</p><p>"I wish you wouldn't always listen to me."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"I'm making my choice. Give up on your dreams and die. Lead the recruits straight into hell. I will take down the Beast Titan."</p><p>"Levi, thank you."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>December 25th,</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>"Happy birthday to you~" Hange sings in a whisper. Coming up behind Levi, they place the cake down on the nightstand and wrap their arms around Levi's shoulders in a comforting hug.</p><p>"Happy birthday to you~" They look on the bed Levi's seated next to.</p><p>"Happy birthday..." Erwin's body lay there, covered by the scouts cloak: "...dear Levi~"</p><p>Levi's shoulder shake as he stares at the corpse of the man that brought him to this hell and led himself to.</p><p>"Happy birthday...to you~"</p><p> </p><p>That was when Levi breaks. His shoulder tremble as harsh sobs echo the empty room. Hange isn't surprised, they just hug him tighter. Levi's eyes stay open as tears fall down his cheeks, he stares the man who cared, the man that made him wish and hope.</p><p>He stares at the man he loves.</p><p>He stares at the man that he loves with regret.</p><p>He never got to tell him...</p><p> </p><p>"I-I never got to tell him..." He sobs, leaning back to Hange who just hugs him tighter.</p><p>"...Make a wish, Levi..." Hange says softly.</p><p>Levi just cries more, he sobs and screams as tears rapidly fall from his eyes, eyes that never left the body of the man he loves.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'I wish I had told you before I could regret it.'</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Erwin was gone. Of course he was. Everyone left, it was just a matter of time.</p><p> </p><p>Levi hates his birthday, he hates this day and what it reminds him of. Why did it have to become a thing? Why?</p><p> </p><p>Birthdays were just a harsh reality of wishful regrets.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>"A reason we celebrate your birthday is to allow you an out, a way of hope to make one last wish before you can't make anymore. But I don't expect you to change your mind."</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'I wish he knew before he couldn't know more.'</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>...I...have many regrets. First time writing a ship like this one and this is how I do it. </p><p> </p><p>SIKE! I HAVE NO REGRETS! I AM AN ANGSTY LITTLE SHIT AND PROUD! Hope you guys liked it! :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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